Well..the worse ordeal in my life had already passed..and now i could finally appreciate e meaning of letting go and having gone through so much, i finally knew what love really meant to me. Before i even realised it, Poly life had started and 1st Sem exams is gonna start.. ..
Being at this place where i was called by God when i was Sec 2, feels really gd..but no doubt, its stressful..not because of e workload, simply at e fact that being in e corporate world, and everything abt business just seems so "cruel"..things/ppl/everything ard are just so practical..should life be even functioning in such a way??
No matter what, i decided to move on and go on wt whatever i can, i have, to continue to believe and insist in my own set of principles..if it takes for me to be backstabbed, for me to be sacrificed or what so ever, as long as God had called me to do so, as long as it can help even one person, i will do it. I remembered very very clearly,b4 i learn to trust ppl, i had to learn trusting myself, trusting God...n trust comes from love..n one thing that touches me till today, is that someone once told me then: "even if there is only one person on earth who God can/need to save, God will still sacrifice himself to save that one soul/sinner". Maybe today i feel that everything in e corporate world look so fake n ppl r just so practical, its coz i have already start judging..who am i to judge?!
At times, i will be practical as well, at times, i will also have bad thots in my mind, at times, i will always commit mistakes, i am also imperfect, so why i am having such thinking?
No matter what perhaps by looking at e different side of e coin would help me to face e corporate world in a different manner..yes, its tired, yes, it is really a chore to me..but throughout e 4yrs when i witnessed how God's hands moved through my life, how He brought me here today, how He paved e way and used me to make a difference, i cant help but to give thanks, to give praise.
If He can use such a person like me 4yrs back, someone who had a heart full of hatred for everything, someone who doesnt have any respect for anything, someone who believes she is useless n keep hurting herself in different ways, just to relieve herself from e much stronger emotional pain, which she is constantly suffering and struggling wt...if He can help me overcome all these, help me to start afresh, make me into someone who have a heart for everyone, have a heart that loves, that can finally feel all kind of emotions..then what exactly is too hard or impossible for Him?!
I thank God for ppl i met in poly too..that was e period where i am experiencing a different challenge in life-whether in family, spiritual life or friends ard me.. ..these ppl are a constant encouragement to me and gave me strength to move on..1st day of sch, ZiAi left a very deep impression on my mind, i had been constantly trying to find out why exactly i find her so familiar and e feeling is really quite scary at times..it seems that i have met her somewhere b4, which is impossible, it seems that this person is so so so...-i guess i can find no words to fully describe how exactly i feel..it just seem that i have known her for very long, but in fact, i never met her anywhere b4 that..only till recently, i found out why i had that kind of feeling..thanks to Yuen Fang who pointed something to my attention.
Haha..n recently this grp of frens reinforce something to me, they told me that i looked and seemed very scary-that was e 1st impression i left them, hahaha...that's really hilarious to me..esp when i heard what Yanni told me abt her 1st impression. Anyway, girls, thanks so much for the laughter, the joy, the times and everything..though like what ZiAi said, just a short period of time, i really appreciate and they were one of my life's happiest moment. I am very sorry that i am not gd wt words, at saying words of encouragement, at expressing my care and concerns as a fren..but there is just simply this invisible barrier when it comes to all those mushy words, hugs etc.. ...argh...goosebumps..AGAIN!.. ..
Recently life had returned back to normal..in fact after i hang out wt this grp of ppl, i became happier...ever since i was forced to leave church and everything that had happened in e family, i lost myself for a period of time, i totally forgotten the feeling of happiness and didnt know how to bring joy to everyone ard me..so i really thank God for them and i really thank God that through this grp of frens which He had blessed me wt, He had led me through e darkest storms in my life, leaving behind whatever burdens and hurts last yr.
Just that recently had been quite busy wt Project YOUnique..really need to find sometime to charge myself up..can feel my energy draining and e worse thing is that exams is less than 2 wks, n i haven even touch anything yet.. ..i better start cracking now.. ..haiz.. ...
With a heart of gratitude always; God may you continue bless this servant of yrs wt a humble heart at all circumstance, a heart that seeks u, a heart of compassion for everyone n would never turn away someone who needs help...may u continue to bless this heart wt strength, wt wisdom to discern n differentiate between gd n evil..Father, that yr hands will continue to guide even as i start revision. Open up my eyes to see things that is essential, beyond e superficial facts and open up my ears to listen to all things which are beneficial and relevant. May all things go accordingly to yr wishes, yr plans and for the furtherance of yr kingdom. Thank you God, In Jesus Name, Amen!
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